TODAY'S TOP 10 STATUS AND SMS

Amazing Funny Facebook Posts For Everyone [DON’T MISS]

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Amazing Funny Facebook Posts For Everyone [DON’T MISS]

If you run into someone you know and they say “we should hang out sometime”, say “I’m ready to hang out now” and watch them panic.

I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today.

When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you’ve done recently.

I hate it when someone turns the lights on while I`m asleep and I`m all like (o__-)

Somewhere there’s a guy named Jayden K. Smith wondering why nobody will accept his FB friend requests

That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.

Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.

Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation..

One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there’ .

We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.

We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don’t think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.

Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?

Me: ”Hola! Como estas? :)” Spanish guy: *Speaks mad fast Spanish* Me: ”Dude, chill! Dora didn’t teach me that yet!”

Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.

I’ve figured out how to solve the problem of the Westboro Baptist Church protesting at veterans’ funerals. We aim the 21-gun salute at them.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! Now read without the word dog

I’m pretty sure you’re not a car, get an actual photo for your profile.

Dont ruin a Good Today because of a Bad Yesterday

I want everyone to meet you. You’re my favorite person of all time.

Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

Women who seek to be at an equal level with men, lack ambition.

Bought some batteries for my children as Christmas gift and it has a note that says ‘toys not included’.

Google image results are like a party that starts off exactly how you expected and gets weirder the longer you stay.

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.

We should stop teaching kids to sing the alphabet. It took me 5 years to realize that “elemeno” wasn’t a letter.

I am such a good a cook even the smoke alarm hoots and hollers.

I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?

Have you ever noticed that it’s impossible to make pinching your elbow hurt?

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

I grew up being told not to write on the walls. Felt like such a badass when I first joined Facebook.

Looking at people’s mutual friends and saying “OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM”

I’m pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people’s fights.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Christopher Columbus was the first socialist. “He did not know where he was going, he did not know where he was, and he did it all at taxpayers expense.”

I’m pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people’s fights.

Teacher -“Where is the CAPITAL of out COUNTRY???” Student -“in Swiss Banks” lolx.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back ever.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

It’s okay, you guys. People on Facebook have changed their profile pictures, sent their prayers and thoughts. So terrorism should end shortly.

At last got to know how to loose weight in 10 days :Just turn your head right then left and repeat whenever offered any food 🙂 🙂

If you want to make your dreams come true, The first thing you have to do is wake up.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

I’m not short, I’m cuddle sized

My heart is stolen…can I check your bra…….

Congratulations!!My tallest finger want to give you a standing ovation

I Have Good News And Bad News To Tell You. The Bad News? I Have No Good News. And The Good News? I Have No Bad News.

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